Sunday, March 29

This one's for Silv

Silv, I'm sorry I didn't include you in the When Life Hands You Lemons award post. The fact of the matter is, that I know darn good and well that you wouldn't pass it on to anyone!  BUT seeing as you posted this in John's blog, I just had to write a post special for you!  First though, I'll quote your comment to John.

"And what the hell is this I don't even get a mention on her crappy blog, there's something wrong there. 
I mean she gives out the crap about me being the love of her life an all, but do I get soo much as a mention , not a fucking chance. Seems that my friends were right when they told me that she was just using me for my culinary skills. yep it's all clear to me now, I'm just a kitchen slut, and that s all I'll ever be to Skye, just a kitchen slut, it's not fair I tell yuh it's just not fair at all, I have sooo much more to offer I really do.
I feel so used so cheap so taudry and when my memory fails and I can no longer prepare Beef Wellinton she will discard me like an old boot, the bitch."

Because of your crying and whining, I've got the worlds smallest violin for you, Silv.  I hope it plays you a really, really sad song!

You know perfectly well how much I love you.  You know perfectly well how much I appreciate you.  Hell, if I didn't love and appreciate you, do you think I'd put up with all your "kids"?  Especially Lucifer, what with his butt and tit nipping, the perv!  Takes after his old man, come to think of it ;) which is one of the reasons why I love ya soo much!  Dammit, now my bitching about you whining and bitching is getting all screwed over!  

Now, where was I?  Oh yes, I was bitching about your crying fest over at Paintings Art etc!  Do you really think that John wants to hear about your problems?  Do you really believe anyone cares but YOU?  Well, sorry Babes, but you're sadly mistaken!  Now go be a good slut and make me some of your wonderful soup.  I'm hungry and had a long day at work!

So Silv, I hope you accept this Worlds Smallest Violin award for crying the blues!

Friday, March 27

I've waited long enough!

Seeing as I have today off, I decided that I have the time to finally figure out to whom I should give the When Life Hands You Lemons award.  I follow quite a few blogs and have been having a difficult time deciding who my 10 should be.  Minka is the one who awarded this to me, and I would love to include her in my 10, but somehow that just doesn't seem right.  After all, is it really fair to give an award to someone who's already recieved it and who passed it on to you?  No, I didn't think so either, so we'll just consider Minka as the unofficial 11th reciever without actually passing it on.  I hope that's alright, Minka :)

The terms and conditions set out for this award :

1) Put the logo on your blog or post.

2) Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude or gratitude.

3) Link to your nominees within your post.

4) Let the nominees know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5) Share the love and link to the person from whom you received your award.

I chose these people because they either make me laugh when I need to, or think when I've been rather lazy. Sometimes they make me see things in manners that I have never thought of before.  All in all, they're a bunch of great people!

Now, without further ado, I give you my 10 Awardees:

1) Sue, over at Farvel Cargo for always making me smile!

2) Penny, over at Penny for your thoughts for making me think about the world when today's news say's nothing about it!

3) Etta Rose, over at Sanity on Edge for her Sunday Silliness blog posts where she consistently uses nothing but bloggers and/or blog names to write her post for Sunday's.  There are always great links to bloggers I hadn't come across!

4) Jenn Thorson, over at Of Cabbages and Kings is good for a laugh as well!

5) John at Paintings Art etc always makes me see magical things with his photography.  There are times when I can imagine fairies and unicorns, his pictures are so good!

6) Ah, and Sass from Are You Sassified, she posts these wonderful Friday's Fabulous Finds which always give me a new blogger to check out.  Not only that, but she's outrageously funny!

7) And then there's Tracy over at Rambling Thoughts of the Neverending Mind.  She's not afraid to tell it like it is, she's brutaly honest, and incredibly sweet.  I can't help but love her posts!

8) Blunt over at Blunt Delivery has pointed out that we are kindred spririts.  It seems that we think alike in a lot of ways!

9) Oh, we can't forget Frog, now can we?  Frog comes to us from Frogs in my Formula, and you better make sure that you aren't eating or drinking when you read her blog!  She makes you laugh so much that you'd choke, or spew a huge mess all over your computer if you were eating and or drinking!

10) I don't want to leave anybody out, so I'm including Nobody in my award recievership.  He has this weekly posting blog, called Nobody 5-7-5, where all he posts is a picture.  The object is to look at the picture, disect it in your mind, and then create a haiku for it.  At the end of the week, when it's time to post a new pic, he goes through the postings that were made over the past week, picks one haiku from each blogger, and includes it in his post under said pic.  I hope that makes sense :).  Until I found that particular blog, I hadn't really enjoyed haiku's all that much, thanks to Nobody, I've started thinking in 5-7-5

Well, with that all said and done, I hope everyone accepts their prizes!

Until next time, Cheers and have a good weekend!

Saturday, March 21

First Off....

....I'd like to say that as soon as I can figure out which 10 people I'd like to honor with the blogger award that I have in my sidebar, I'll be posting it.

Until then, please enjoy this post :)


The good napkins, the joys of having Girls!

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping "napkins" in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Followed by my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Friday, March 13

Ok, I Have To Apologize!

In my last post, I made mention of the fact that I could not believe anyone would need such common sense instructions as to wait till the power came back on, in order to turn on a coffee maker when the power is out.  I also pointed out that my very own sister asked me to check my computer when MY power was out.  I should have known that instructions such as those previously mentioned, are indeed necessary!  I should have, like really folks, how much more proof did I need?

Apparently I needed more.  My Grams called me earlier.  She was worried that there was something wrong with her brother-in-laws phone.  She had tried to call him no less than 6 times, and kept getting the same message.  

I should have asked her what the exact words were, but nooooo, I didn't think of that!  I asked her what the problem was!  BIG mistake, here folks, I know better, I do, honestly!  Please believe me!?!

Ok, so you don't believe me, I don't either, so I can't blame you alright!?!

Anywhoo's-it, Grams says that a woman keeps telling her she's dialed the wrong number.  So I ask what number are you dialing?  She reads off the number to me.  It's the right number.  Ok, there's something fishy going on here!  How can you dial the same number that I have, and be told it's the wrong number?  I tell Grams to hang up the phone, I'll make the call and find out what's wrong.  She says thank you.

So I call my great-uncle, and this is the message I get "Hi, you've reached so-'n'-so.  I'm not home right now, so please leave a message after the beep."  I leave a message saying that Grams is trying to get ahold of him, but keeps being told she's dialed the wrong number, hense my calling, can you please call her to let her know you're ok?

I call Grams back, and tell her this.  She tells me that's the same message she gets.  WHAT!!! You get a message that he's not home, and you tell me that it's the wrong number?  Geez!!!

I don't argue with her, that would be rude, I just tell her that I asked him to call her.  She says, get this, she had talked to him this MORNING and that he didn't have time to chat at that moment, BUT that he'd call her back later this EVENGING!  Grams called me at 6, the evening hadn't even technically started yet!  I called my great-uncle for no reason!  Ok, so he's a sweet man, and I love him to death, he's one of the very few family members I have any respect for.  But common, if someone says they'll call later that night, give 'em a chance to do it before you start harrassing them and then having your granddaughter harrass them for you!

I have got to learn patience in dealing with people who just don't get it.  Honestly though, I just don't get why other's can't seem to get the simple parts of life.  Some day's it's just really hard to be me.

Tuesday, March 10

Space Age Coffee

Well, my coffee maker went on the fritz and so I had to buy a new one.  I thought about doing what I usually do and get a second hand one for anywhere between $5 & $15, but couldn't find a 12 cup one this time around.  The reason I tend to get second hand coffee makers is that the last couple of times I had bought new, they lasted about a month and then died.  The twice used ones tended to last around 3 or 4 years.  Seemed like the smarter choice to

Anywhoo's-it, I ended up buying new this time.  It retails (according to looking it up on-line) for $99.  The store I bought it at was selling them for $79.99, but this particular box had a sales ticket on it for $49.99.  I decided to get it.  What I hadn't noticed was that there was a second sales ticket on it for $34.99.  When I went to pay, that's the price that came up and I damn near shouted "Whoohoooo" due to the great price for a top-notch model coffee maker, brand named "Oster"!

This coffee maker is so high-tech that I actually had to read the manual to see how to set up the clock and timer.  I got it all set up, ran plain water through it in accordance to directions and then proceeded to brew my first pot of coffee.  This machine is GREAT!  That was the best cup of coffee I've ever had in my life! (At least in regards to plain coffee, that is).  So now I'm the proud owner of a top-of-the-line coffee maker and I got it on the cheap. Damn I'm proud of myself :D.

After all was said and done, and I was half-way through the pot of coffee, Silv came into my kitchen to get himself a cup.  He had been sleeping up to this point, and hadn't even known that I had gone out to get a new machine.  When he saw my new kitchen toy, he said, "This machine needs a space ship built around it!"  He looked at it, played with the buttons for a bit, noticed that the clock had 120 minutes on it and asked what that was all about.  "Well," say's I, "That's not technically the clock." I pressed a button below the timer and the actual clock appeared showing the correct time.  "What was that on the display then?" he asked.  "That, my dear sweet kitchen slut, is the fresh brew timer.  It shows you just how long it took to brew the pot of coffee, and lets you know also how long it's been on the warmer for.  Once the minute hand reaches 120 minutes, it shuts the machine off.  It even warns you that it's doing so by ringing a bell."

Fast forward a bit and Silv and I are playing on our computers, as we are wont to do.  The coffee pot was empty, so he brewed another.  As he's doing this, I just had to laugh!  I suppose he was turning it on when all I heard coming from the kitchen was "Engage!"  Once the bell rang to let us know that the pot was done brewing he decided to be nice and go get us each a cup.  Now I was laughing even harder!  Coming from the kitchen were the sounds of Star Trek! "Oster, Folgers, 2 cups, black, hot!"   

Silv was so impressed by this coffee maker, that he went out to the store and bought himself one.  

Ooooohhhh, I almost forgot!  Silv decided to read the manual as well, only he went so far as to read the troubleshooting pages.  I hadn't done that!  Oh man did he start to laugh!  "This page must have been written for blondes" say's he, "The possible causes and solutions are even repeated for those that have bleached their hair blonde!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, "Here, read", he says.  And so I read:

Problem: The "Brew Now" light does not light up.

Possible Cause #1:  The appliance is unplugged

Solution: Plug unit in!

Possible Cause #2: There's a power outage.

Solution: Wait for power to be restored!

Problem: The coffee is not brewing.

Possible Cause #1: The appliance is unplugged

Solution: Plug unit in!

Possible Cause #2: There's a power outage.

Solution: Wait for power to be restored.

Possible Cause #3: The decanter is not completely on the warming plate.

Solution: Place decanter on warmer plate!

Problem: The coffeemaker only brews water.

Possible Cause: There are no coffee grounds in the filter basket.

Solution: Add coffee grounds!

Problem: The filter basket overflows.

Possible Cause #1: The decanter is not completely on the warmer plate.

Solution: Place decanter on warmer plate!

Possible Cause #2: The decanter lid is not on decanter.

Solution: Place lid on decanter.

Problem: The coffee is not hot.

Possible Cause #1: There's a power outage.

Solution: Wait for power to be restored.

Possible Cause #2: Auto Shut-Off has been activated.

Solution: For best results brew a fresh pot.

You just gotta wonder if there really are people out there that can't figure things like this out for themselves!  I made mention of that to Silv when he reminded me of my very own sister.  He said "Um, Skye, don't you remember your sister calling you last winter?  First she asked if your power was out too, to which you said 'yes' and then she asked you to check the computer to see if school was cancelled, did she not?  And just how were you to do that, when the power was out?"

*Insert Homer Simpson forehead slap here* DOH I guess I just had my very own blonde moment!

Saturday, March 7

Children’s views on:

1 Nudity: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2 Opinions: On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
(What do you think, is this child the "Little Johnny" of all the jokes)

3 Ketchup: A woman was toiling to get ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer it. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4 More Nudity: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The boy watched in amazement and then asked "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5 Police #1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6 Police #2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7 Elderly: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8 Dress-up: A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning!"

9 Death: Walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly wilted his collar. It seems, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, dug a hole, and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonn, and into the hole he goes."

10 School: A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11 Bible: A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" with astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"