I was chatting with my friend Cogi this morning in MSN chat and she had a really funny story to relate to me. She had gone to a funeral last week, but she didn’t tell me the details, such as who’s funeral it was. So saying, I have no idea as to why she felt the need to go. As it is though, this funeral was Catholic based, for reasons unbeknownst to me, she chose to sit in the back row, aisle seat. You know the spot, quick getaway if and when needed. There was this woman sitting next to her who is apparently a real ditz, this information will come in handy for you later.
Anyway, I digress. As the service started with the choir singing robustly, Cogi noticed something pressing up against her backside. Reaching around, she felt a cold metal object protruding out from under her. “Hmm” she thinks to herself, “I’m wearing slacks, I’ll just spread my legs and pull it out from under me, no one should notice!”, and so she does. Well you can imagine her surprise when she realized that it’s the aspergillum (holy water sprinkler thingy for us non-Catholics)! Can’t you just see it, a woman sitting there in church pulling a silver phallus out from between her thighs? As she’s telling me this, all I can think is “NOT good!”
So there she was, just sitting there with the phallus slowly coming out from between her thighs, when the ditz beside her says “Cogi, what are you DOING? What is that thing?” Well, what’s a girl to do but tell her? “It’s the holy water sprinkle thingy”, Cogi replies. “Well why did you have it between your legs?” asks the ditz. “Because the Priest asked me to keep it safe of course!” The look on the woman’s face must have been priceless! Here I am, trying not to wake my kid, and pissing myself with laughter at the same time. I literally had to go and grab a pillow to muffle the noise I was making. How do you not laugh when someone is telling you about pulling a metal object from between her legs in a church? You can’t, it’s impossible!
There I go getting off topic again, sorry about that! Now, where was I? Oh yes, Cogi was pulling a shiny metal object out from between her thighs in Church. Good thing the choir was singing so loudly! She was laughing so hard about the whole thing that she still can’t quit laughing over it. Anyway, here’s Cogi with the holy water sprinkle thingy coming out from between her thighs with a woman staring at her all bug eyed and mouth gaping open when what should Cogi notice? None other than the ushers staring at her with mouths agape as well! By this time, she’s got the thing out from under her and she’s holding it in her hands, right!?! Well, ditz goes “Cogi, you’ve got to get rid of that thing!” “What to do, what to do”, she thinks to herself. Luckily the seat in front of her was vacant so she decided to gently and quietly put it down there. Turning to look at ditz, she calmly asked with a wink and a smile, “Do you think the ushers will send it to the Pope later to have it blessed and re-sanctified? After all, it is an article for religious worship and it was cosied up between a my thigh’s!"